What is the real significance behind this tradition, and what happens if you’ve already done the deed?
Five events, seven outfit changes and thousands of pictures later you’re finally done. It’s here! You’re married! Arranged or not, this shaadi has culminated and you’ve been ushered to a lush AF suite where you will finally spend some much-needed alone time with your partner. Or what it’s infamously known as in shaadi speak: the Suhag Raat.
Regardless of what the truth may be, Bollywood has done a banging job of searing the play-by-play of the Suhag Raat into our minds. You know the drill... The bride waits demurely on a rose petalled bed, the groom shows up, drinks almond milk and is supercharged to consummate the marriage.
But what those movies and your nosy aunty didn’t tell you is the pain-staking amount of time it takes to take off the outfit that weighs as much as you. Or that after a night of smiling and meeting hundreds of people, you might just want to put your feet up, have a drink, and relax. And what if you’ve already had multiple Suhag Raat's before the wedding was even announced?
We’re in 2021, folks. If your dog can choose the kind of shampoo he wants, you can damn well call the shots on your wedding night. It’s high time we reclaim the first night as partners for what it really is, rather than adhering to other people’s expectations of what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms:
Way Back Then...
Within the ancient Vedic tradition, the first night a newly wed couple spent together was sacred because it was the first time they saw each other face to face. It highlights the most sacred ritual of love, when the wedded couple unites not only physically, but there also emerges a new relationship of love, confidence, mutual trust and concern. A relationship that shares life, all its achievements and failures, and all its pleasures and pains. The wedding night has the sanctity of a divine act, as it reflects in it the divine act of creation.
No disrespect to symbolism and norms but things have changed. By the time the pheras roll around, most people have already put in the time and work to create a relationship with their partner (sexual or otherwise).
“While tradition has its place, nobody should feel compelled to ‘consummate’ the marriage. Your Suhag Raat is special because you’re spending it with your partner. "
Whether you choose to take a bubble bath, count your gifts, or just go to sleep is 100% your prerogative and you shouldn’t feel pressured to act otherwise.
Band Baaja Bedroom
A lot of couples don’t have the greatest of sex of their life the day they get married. In fact there are tons of people who don’t have sex on their Suhag Raat at all.
74% of the people who took our Suhaag Raat poll (on Instagram), said they were too tired to do it.
Whether you’ve already been around the bush, or need some time to get comfortable with your partner, it’s best to talk about it beforehand. You’ve planned everything else for the wedding, so why not this too? Have an honest chat and make sure you’re both on the same page. Whether you’re ready to be all over them, or want to take things slow– it’s all good.
Remember: Not doing it is not a bad “omen” or sign of bad things to come. It doesn’t mean your marriage is going to be sexless or passionless.
Being married means you’ll wake up next to your partner, and there will always be time for morning sex. Who doesn’t love that?
Just as you may have felt the pressure to have a Pinterest-perfect wedding, you may also be feeling the heat to ace the night and end it with a bang. Expectations are normal for your first night as a married couple. But it’s best not to expect your bedroom romp to mimic the fireworks at the end of your wedding extravaganza.
Try not to weigh yourself and your new partner down with too many expectations because here’s the reality: You’re probably going to be jittery and nervous. Your feet are likely to be sore. And you’re going to be more exhausted than you ever thought possible. These aren’t exactly the greatest circumstances for sex!
The best advice we can give you is to keep your expectations for your wedding night low. Of course you still want to have a great evening with each other, but try not to think about it as “the perfect night.”
Do what you and your partner can, minus the pressure– because there’s plenty of time and opportunities for happily-ever-after..
** This article was written by one of our talented contibutors, Nazma Kazani. If you have a perspective you'd like to share, get in touch with us on firstname.lastname@example.org.
While our contributors do research a great deal to give you up to date and relevant content, this is basis publicly available information. Our contributors are not doctors or healthcare service providers and our content does not constitute or act as a substitute for medical advice or diagnosis under applicable laws. All suggestions, advice, points of view etc., are meant for adults in the privacy of their own homes.