How to spark magic for anyone who’d rather take things slow and steady instead of fast and dirty.
Whether you’re single, taken or poly, there’s one thing we can all agree on- Dating is hard.
Regardless of what age, sexual orientation or corner of the globe you belong to, it never seems to get easy. Even if your love language is gifting Spark scented candles and relaxing massage oils with massage coupons. If Tiffany Haddish and Jamie Fox have dating trouble, do the rest of us even have a chance?
Point is, it can be hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable with a potential partner. Now imagine that with the added pressure of being an introvert.
We’ve all been watching Ray fumble about in Netflix’s Eternally Confused and Eager For Love in his quest for a mate. Like him, if you’d rather stay home and binge another series than get dressed and be social, we see you.
But if you are looking for a partner-in-crime you have to wear pants, look presentable, put yourself out there and fight your instincts to run away. And since Joey’s “How you doin’?” line doesn’t always work like a charm, we’ve got a few pointers to help you make the first move.
Textual Is Sexual
Texting is where introverts are in their element. It's easier to make a presentation when there's no pressure of social anxiety or having to deal
with people in a loud bar. You get the time to process what’s someone’s
said and come up with a smart witty reply that you know you’ve got in you.
Let your bold side shine on text so your date is impressed even before they meet you.
MyMuse ProTip: Suggest meeting up and make the ultimate first move. And make it a fun proposition: a hot wings challenge at a restaurant or a bet that you can throw back a pint faster than them.
A Pre-Date Ritual
Having a routine is helpful for psyching yourself up for a date when the nerves start kicking in.
For me, that routine skewed towards engaging my senses (sparking a candle and moisturising my skin with a relaxing massage oil that calms my nerves). But the part of my routine that felt actually soothing was having on 90s nostalgia tunes while I got ready and shook off all the stress in my body. I don't know if that, specifically, would work for you, but try to discover whatever calming ritual feels effective before you go out.
The Sweet Spot
If you shine in the comfort and safety of sameness, stick to a go-to spot when you're making those initial date plans. Being somewhere you love, whether it's a bar or a café or somewhere else, will put you in a safe space.
And tbh, it takes off the stress when some texts “I’m okay with wherever” and you’re immediately thrown in tizzy of picking a place that will reflect your chill, relaxed and casual persona. Plus, you know where all the exits and the loo are if you need to take a breather.
Subtlety Is Your Strong Suit
It’s 2022. In case you haven’t got the memo, OTT is out, and minimalism is king. You don’t have to make a grand gesture right your first move. Just make sure your soirée is simple, subtle and has those little details that will make both of you smile. It’s not about one significant first move; it’s about the little moves you make before it. So pick up your date at their house, read the book they’re reading or notice small details about how they’re dressed.
Making engaging conversations, especially on a first date, can be tricky even for extroverts. So when all else fails, smile and compliment them. I promise this works better than asking how many siblings they have.