The Mind Games of Dating a Narcissist

Swagata Deshmukh - Feb 28, 2025

Dating a narcissist? The manipulation, gaslighting & endless mind games can be exhausting. Learn how to spot the signs & break free for good.

One moment, they’re showering you with love, making you feel like the most cherished person on the planet. The next, they’re distant, cold, and somehow blaming you for something they did wrong. You’re stuck in an emotional rollercoaster that you never signed up for.

Dating a narcissist isn’t just difficult—it’s a game where the rules keep changing, and guess what? You’ll never win. Because that’s the point. Narcissists thrive on control, and their biggest trick is keeping you so confused and emotionally exhausted that you can’t even think about leaving. But you’re here now, which means you’ve started to see the pattern and red flags. And that’s where the escape begins.

Let's break down their toxic playbook, how it messes with your mind, and—most importantly—how to finally break free.

The Narcissist’s Playbook

1. Love Bombing: The Too-Good-to-Be-True Beginning

At first, dating a narcissist feels like something out of a rom-com. They’re texting you good morning and goodnight (and 500 times in between). They’re calling you the one, planning a future together before you even know their middle name. It’s intense, overwhelming, and feels like a fairytale. And that’s exactly the point. Love bombing is the hook. It’s how they reel you in—by making you feel like you’ve never been loved like this before. The thing is, love isn’t supposed to feel like an over-the-top performance. A real connection builds over time. But a narcissist? They fast-track the romance to make you emotionally dependent. Because once you’re hooked, the real manipulation begins.

2. Gaslighting: The Art of Making You Question Reality

Ever found yourself arguing with a narcissist, knowing they said something, but suddenly, they’re acting like you imagined it? Welcome to gaslighting. It’s when they make you doubt your own memory, perception, and even your sanity. You’ll hear phrases like:

“I never said that.”
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”

Suddenly, you’re not just upset—you’re also questioning whether you even have the right to be upset. And that’s what they want. The more they can make you doubt yourself, the easier it is for them to control the narrative. You’re not crazy. You’re being manipulated.

3. Triangulation: Creating Unnecessary Competition

Ever had them bring up an ex way too often? Or subtly flirt with someone in front of you just to gauge your reaction? That’s triangulation—a classic narcissist move. They plant little seeds of jealousy to make you feel insecure, all while pretending they’re totally innocent. It makes you crave their approval even more because suddenly, you feel like you have something to prove.

Healthy relationships don’t involve third-party drama. If they’re making you feel like you have to compete for their affection, it’s not love—it’s a power move.

4. The Silent Treatment: Emotional Manipulation at Its Finest

One moment, you’re laughing together, everything feels fine. The next? They’re shutting you out completely. No texts, no calls, no explanation. Just cold, punishing silence. And suddenly, you’re scrambling, overthinking everything you might have done wrong.

The silent treatment isn’t just childish—it’s a way to make you beg for their attention. The more they ignore you, the more desperate you become to “fix” things. But here’s the hard truth: You don’t deserve to be ignored. Healthy partners talk through issues—they don’t disappear and let you suffer alone.

5. Blame-Shifting: When Everything Is Somehow Your Fault

You caught them lying? You’re paranoid. You pointed out their selfish behaviour? You’re too demanding. They forgot your birthday? You made them feel unappreciated, so it’s actually on you.

While dating a narcissist, you’ll notice a pattern—no matter what happens, they are never responsible. You could lay out facts, screenshots, and voice notes, and they will still twist the story until you’re somehow apologising to them. If every argument leaves you feeling guilty even when you know you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s time to step back and ask: Is this really love, or just emotional manipulation?

How This Toxicity Messes With Your Mind

Being in a narcissistic relationship doesn’t just hurt—it rewires your entire sense of self. Over time, the constant blame, gaslighting, and emotional rollercoaster leave you:

Doubting yourself: You no longer trust your own feelings or instincts.
Walking on eggshells: Every conversation feels like a trap.
Emotionally exhausted:You’re too drained to even fight back.
Stuck in a trauma bond:The highs are addictive, and the lows make you desperate to get back to the “good times.”

This isn’t just a bad relationship. It’s a form of psychological abuse. And the only way to win? Leaving.

Breaking Free: The Ultimate Power Move

1. Recognise That This Isn’t Love—It’s Control

Love should make you feel safe, valued, and respected. If your relationship constantly leaves you feeling anxious, confused, or not enough, it’s not love—it’s manipulation.

2. Cut Off Contact (Yes, Completely)

I know, I know. You think maybe you can stay friends, or maybe they’ll finally change. They won’t. Every time you respond to their texts, check their Instagram, or answer their calls, you’re feeding the cycle. The best revenge? Break up and disappear from their world. Block, mute, delete. Your sanity will thank you.

3. Stop Seeking Their Validation

A narcissist wants you to chase their approval because it gives them power. The moment you stop caring about their opinion? That’s when you truly win.

4. Rebuild Your Self-Worth

They made you believe you weren’t enough. But guess what? They lied. Start reconnecting with yourself. Do things that bring you joy. Surround yourself with people who actually care. Take up hobbies you neglected. The more you invest in your own happiness, the less space they take up in your head.

5. Get Support (Because Healing Isn’t a Solo Journey)

Therapy, support groups, or even just talking to friends who get it can help you heal faster. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You were in a toxic situation, and you deserve to move on.

Finding Real Love

One day, you’ll be in a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and adored—not because you had to fight for it, but because that’s how love should be. You’ll laugh at how you ever put up with the nonsense and red flags. You’ll look back and think, Wow, I really let that man-child mess with my peace?

If you needed a sign to walk away, this is it. Take your power back. You’ve got this. 💖