Pick-Me Behaviour: Why It’s Time to Put That Crown Down 👑

We’ve all heard the term “pick me” thrown around, whether in viral tweets or your group chat after someone’s overshared about their perfect partner credentials. But what exactly is pick-me behaviour, and why does it make us collectively cringe? More importantly, how can we avoid falling into this pattern ourselves? Let’s dive into the world of pick-me energy—complete with self-awareness, a sprinkle of sass, and a side of personal growth.

What Is Pick-Me Behaviour?

At its core, pick-me behaviour stems from a desire for validation, often at the expense of others. It’s the act of seeking approval by downplaying your needs, interests, or identity to appear more appealing—whether to a romantic partner, friends, or society at large.

Example:

1. “I’m not like other girls; I don’t even like shopping.”
2. “I’d never date someone who watches rom-coms. Real men only watch action movies.”

Why Do We Fall Into the Pick-Me Trap?

Pick-me behaviour often stems from deeper insecurities. The need to stand out or gain validation can sometimes override the value of authenticity. Here are a few culprits:

1. Societal Conditioning: Gender norms and stereotypes often pressure people to act a certain way.
2. Fear of Rejection: Being chosen feels safer than being authentic, especially in the dating world.
3. Low Self-Esteem: When self-worth is shaky, external validation becomes a lifeline.

The Price of Pick-Me Behaviour

While it may feel like you’re winning in the short term (yay, someone picked me!), the long-term effects aren’t as rewarding. Here’s why:

1. Exhaustion from Pretending: Constantly moulding yourself into someone else’s ideal is draining.
2. Loss of Identity: You might forget what you actually enjoy, want, or believe.
3. Surface-Level Connections: Relationships based on pick-me behaviour lack depth and authenticity.
4. Perpetuation of Harmful Norms: By conforming to societal pressures, we reinforce stereotypes for others.

Spotting Pick Me Energy in the Wild

If you’ve ever scrolled through social media and thought, “Yikes, that’s a pick-me vibe,” here are some common traits to look out for:

1. Performative Downplaying: Rejecting your genuine interests to seem “cool” (e.g., “Sports over skincare any day”).
2. Subtle Shaming: Putting others down to elevate yourself (e.g., “At least I’m not high-maintenance like her”).
3. Constant Approval-Seeking: Looking for reassurance that you’re the “exception.”

How to Drop the Pick-Me Act and Be Authentically You

Ready to ditch the pick-me crown and embrace your authentic self? Here’s how:

1. Embrace Your True Interests: Own what makes you unique, unapologetically.
2. Stop Comparing: Break free from the comparison trap and celebrate your strengths.
3. Practice Self-Love: Validate yourself and focus on self-love.
4. Surround Yourself with Real Ones: Seek connections that value authenticity.
5. Call Out Harmful Patterns: Gently encourage others to embrace their true selves.

Breaking Free from the Pick-Me Spiral

Shifting away from pick-me behaviour isn’t about judgment—it’s about growth. Recognising these patterns in yourself or others is the first step to breaking free. Embrace the messy, real, and wonderful parts of who you are, and you’ll find connections that are built to last.

Final Thoughts

Pick-me behaviour may feel like a shortcut to approval, but it ultimately sells you short. True connections—romantic or otherwise—are built on authenticity and mutual respect, not a script written by societal norms. So, the next time you catch yourself muttering, “I’m not like other girls, or I’m not a pookie guy,” pause, laugh, and say, “Thank goodness for that!”