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Musings

The 36 Questions To Fall In Love

Sibasish Singha- Jul 19, 2024

Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind. - William Blake

You don’t have to love poetry to feel one with Blake’s words. Love truly is a painfully delightful emotion, no? We can’t do without it, and sometimes we can't do with it either; still, blessed are those who have it reciprocated back at them. Finding the right curves to fit yours can be a very thin line to walk. And in a fast world that outpaces you at every end, it can get lonely and scary without someone to hold hands with,even if you are a serial dater. Perhaps the 36 questions to fall in love can help those of you oh-so out-of-luck individuals who hesitate to take those steps and approach a potential someone.

Scientifically Tried And Tested…Trust Me!

I know that it is hard to believe that something like the 36 questions to fall in love exists. It seems almost preposterous, but believe it or not, they are part of famed research from the 90s. Psychologists Arthur Aron, Ph. D., and Elaine Aron, Ph. D., along with other researchers tested to see if two strangers could spark intimacy through this series of increasingly personal questions. The research took to storm when an essay by Mandy Len Catron was published in the New York Times Modern Love column in 2015 where she relates her experience of trying the questions with an acquaintance whom she later married.

 

Divided into three distinct sections of increasingly intimate and personal questions, these will definitely make you feel intimate with your partner if not love. From there on, it's your cake to carefully walk. You may be abashed or dismissive to try it at first, but surely you can find it in you to spare 45 minutes of courage at the very least! It’s a shot at love…after all. Do this however you feel comfortable; a variation of stay-in date nights or even over a conversation after a gift exchange in which case self-care products can be subtle yet sultry.

People wearing sneakers

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” 
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them [already].
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

 

Oh, and you must engage in an intimate stare-off for 4 full minutes after. You have bared down your walls so now you must search for the spark in each other’s eyes. If you both do happen to find it then discover some delightful ways to use lubricant gel together.

Donald and Daphne staring

My 2 Cents…

Everything aside, I would rather you don’t take these questions definitive for love is complex, it is hard work and frustrating, painstakingly rewarding, and despite all that supremely satisfying, which is why it is a lovely tussle. These questions are meant to give you a leeway to strike your luck, but they will still need you to pour in your heart.

Justin Bieber signing heart

Not everyone is indeed lucky enough to have a friendship bloom into that drunk in the depth of eyes relationship. I personally believe poetry inspires love, so I can only leave you with Tennyson’s courage, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ The results of your endeavour may not weigh you down, but not trying certainly will. 

 

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