Our MyMuse team member, Nazma, shares how she came around to realising that being bicurious is no different than being a bisexual person.
It took quite a long (maybe too long a) time for me to realise I might not be straight, and even longer to finally be confident saying the words: “I’m bi.” Now I drop it in random conversations with people and it feels as normal as saying I prefer donning AirMax 90s. But it took a good amount of soul searching, googling things like “bisexual meaning” and meeting people who had been on a similar journey to get there.
What eventually solidified my understanding of my sexuality was meeting and speaking to other folks who form the B in the LGBTQI+ acronym. Being around them, I learned that there isn’t a universal roadmap to being bi. A bisexual person is someone who is attracted romantically and/or sexually to more than one gender. It might sound simple but the radical acceptance that that person was me, took a minute.
I always thought I just really enjoyed gender studies, and even felt so deeply for the cause that I spent months in Jordan understanding the intricacies of the LGBTQI+ movement there. My entire approach on why I gravitated to that work was, “Well, somebody’s gotta do it.” Embedding myself within their activism and academically breaking down the nuances of “coming out” may have sown some seeds of curiosity. But I really came into my bi-ness a few years later.
Looking back, I now know accepting you are bi is something you have to arrive at your own pace. It’s just like figuring out the perfect way you prefer making your chai. Self-claimed chai experts may feel it needs to be layered and spicy, with exactly measured out ingredients. But if you like the regular old doodh-patti with a little ginger thrown in once in a while, you do you, boo. Chai chat aside, I have to admit that there is power in claiming the freedom to own my decisions even if I didn’t fully comprehend it all in the beginning.
For some reason, I thought there had to be a rite of passage between bi-curious and bisexual. How else would I know “for sure”? I had it drilled in my brain that I would only know once I had been with a vulva owner. So I went for it and gave heed to my instincts that I first felt when I watched VJ Juhi and her mates grooving to Muse’s Time Is Running Out. Was the experience of it different? Yes. Do I feel more bisexual after? No.
Having been around the block more than once now, I can tell you that it’s definitely not a before vulva vs. after vulva situation. I am as attracted to the same sex as I was when I watched the Channel V promo. I may be emboldened to make the first move more now, but that’s more about confidence than crystallisation of a bisexual being.
“What I wish someone had told me earlier was that there is no tangible difference between being bi-curious and bisexual. And that a physical act isn’t going to bridge that imaginary gap. ”
“A bisexual person doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone to feel what they feel.” - Sex Educator & Therapist, Gigi Engle
Bisexuality can mean primarily being attracted to and/or dating one gender, while also being interested in others. It can mean having equal experiences across genders. Or, like with my own experience, you can be swiping for one gender one day and match with another a few days later. It can also mean a shift in internal understanding that may or may not warrant external action.
“What’s important to remember is that bisexuality is not a phase, confusion or just extra libido. ”
It is a legitimate identity that is evidenced in the lived experiences of scores of people. As Indians, any internalised imposter syndrome that comes up for us likely isn’t the fault of bisexuality itself, but of a culture that doesn’t give us the tools to talk about ourselves authentically.
Thankfully, I’ve rarely felt the need to prove my bi-ness to those around me. But there will always be people who are disrespectful and hurtful - even if it is by accident. I’ve learnt not to dwell on those who are rude because #hatersgonnahate, so leave them be. There’s so much beauty in the bi/pan/unicorn world that I’d much rather spend my time and energy on that.
* Original cover artwork by Boomranng Studio for MyMuse India.
* This article was written by MyMuse team member, Nazma Kazani. If you have a perspective you'd like to share, get in touch with us on email@example.com.
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