Breadcrumbing Explained: What Is It and How to Spot It in Dating
Team MyMuse - Sep 30, 2024
What is breadcrumbing? Here’s an intensive guide on what to do when someone is breadcrumbing you.
When I read Hansel and Gretel as a child, I never thought it would translate into my dating life! This new-fangled phenomenon has overtaken the dating world by storm- breadcrumbing. It’s frustrating, confusing, and unbelievably common.
Dating can sometimes feel like a trap, and with a world of mixed signals and wildly unclear intentions, it’s gotten even harder to navigate. Trust me, as a super single 20-something-year-old, I know how tough it is to dive head-first into the dating pool! So, what exactly is breadcrumbing, and how can you spot it before you’re submerged in breadcrumbs?
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, but not enough to build a truly meaningful connection. It sounds pretty much like a summary of my love life. Imagine someone leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for you to follow, but those crumbs never lead to anything substantial. What a waste of bread!
This hypothetical person engaging in breadcrumbing makes sure to send occasional messages, flirty comments, or likes on your social media posts. They do just enough to keep you hooked without offering anything concrete, like a date or deeper commitment. Sounds familiar?
Contrary to what we like to believe, this behaviour is often intentional. The person breadcrumbing knows they’re keeping you on the back burner, stringing you along without the intention of fully investing in the relationship. Whether it’s for ego-boosting or a fear of commitment, the breadcrumber is enjoying the attention you give them without giving much in return. It’s very unlike Link remote-controlled massager which is a pleasure for both partners.
Spot the crumbs!
Now that you know what is breadcrumbing, let’s see if how you can keep yourself safe from it. It can be tricky to spot breadcrumbing at first since the behaviour tends to feel like early-stage flirting. We’ve normalised the ‘bare minimum’ and have learnt to accept the crumbs, and not really ever demand the whole goddamn cake! But, I’m here to remind you that meaningful connections are supposed to feel like effort. You should want to put in the work. Once you recognize the signs, you’ll be better equipped to avoid getting caught up in this heartbreaking cycle, and maybe you’ll learn to ask for MORE.
1. Inconsistent Communication
A breadcrumber will reach out just enough to keep your interest alive, but you’ll notice that their messages or interactions are often irregular. They might ghost you for days or weeks and then suddenly reappear with a flirty text, making it hard to establish any real momentum in your communication.
2. Vague Plans That Never Materialize
Breadcrumbers are widely known for making tentative plans that never seem to happen. They’ll talk about hanging out “sometime” but avoid setting a firm date or time. If your conversations about meeting up always end in uncertainty or vague promises, this could be a red flag!
3. Superficial Conversations
While you might be texting or chatting with a breadcrumber regularly, the depth of those conversations is often lacking. The chats might revolve around surface-level topics, like small talk or compliments, but they rarely delve into personal, meaningful subjects. If you're not getting to know each other on a deeper level, it could be because they’re not interested in taking things further.
4. Heavy Social Media Presence
Many breadcrumbers love to use social media to keep you engaged without any real effort. They might like your posts, leave flirty comments, or respond to your stories, but it rarely translates into actual communication or plans. It’s a way for them to stay in your orbit without having to invest much in the relationship.
5. They Avoid Defining the Relationship
When you try to have a conversation about where things are going, a breadcrumber will often dodge the topic. They’ll be noncommittal or vague about their intentions, leaving you feeling unsure about where you stand.
But who would do this?!
People breadcrumb for many reasons, but it often boils down to a desire for attention and validation without the responsibility of commitment. Some common motivations include:
- Fear of Commitment: They may enjoy the thrill of flirting but are afraid of the emotional investment that comes with a serious relationship.
- Keeping Options Open: A breadcrumber may be interested in multiple people and wants to keep you on the hook while exploring other connections.
- Ego Boost: Some people engage in breadcrumbing because they enjoy the attention and validation they receive from keeping others interested in them.
- Indecision: Sometimes, breadcrumbers are genuinely unsure of what they want but still want to keep you around in case they change their mind.
I want MORE than crumbs!
If you’ve realized that someone is breadcrumbing you, or you think they might just be, it’s essential to protect your emotional well-being. Remember- the bare minimum isn’t good enough. It can’t be hard to confront someone you’re hoping to build a connection with, but please don’t forget that you are your most important connection! Get yourself the best body massagers in India as a treat for standing up for yourself.
Here’s what to do if someone is breadcrumbing you:
1. Set Boundaries
If you suspect someone is breadcrumbing you, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries. Let them know that you’re looking for something more consistent and meaningful, and be firm about what you need from the relationship. If they can’t meet those needs, it might be time to move on, and choose yourself!
2. Focus on Consistency
Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to whether their behavior aligns with their promises. If they continually fail to follow through on plans or provide meaningful communication, it’s a sign that they’re not serious about building a real connection. Take the hint if it’s screaming in your face.
3. Don’t Wait Around
If you’re constantly left waiting for a breadcrumber to reach out or make concrete plans, it’s time to take back control. Focus on other areas of your life, meet new people, and invest your energy in relationships that offer reciprocity and respect.
4. Trust Your Gut
Often, your intuition will pick up on breadcrumbing before your brain fully registers it. If you’re feeling unsure or unsatisfied in your interactions with someone, trust that feeling. You deserve a relationship where both of you are equally invested and excited. Talking to you isn’t a chore, it’s a privilege. Give yourself that pedestal in your life. Maybe get yourself some bedroom essentials and build a meaningful relationship with yourself!
What happens when you ignore a breadcrumber? All of this can become really emotionally draining, but understanding what is breadcrumbing and its signs early on can save you time and heartache. If someone is giving you just enough attention to keep you interested without offering more, don’t hesitate to walk away. You deserve someone who is all in, not someone who is only half-committed.
Remember: don’t settle for crumbs when you deserve the whole cake.
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