How to French Kiss: 7 Steps (Without Too Much Tongue)

Short answer: To French kiss, start with a few soft closed-mouth kisses, then part your lips a little. Lightly touch the tip of your tongue to their lips or tongue and see if they respond. Keep your tongue soft and slow, breathe through your nose, and move back to lip kisses every few seconds. Less tongue than you think is almost always better.

Couple sharing a close kiss at a cafe table with two coffee cups in front of them

A French kiss is simply kissing with open mouths and some tongue. It sounds complicated when you read about it and turns out to be very simple once you are doing it, because the other person is doing half the work. The trick is to go slowly and pay attention.

Before you start

Make sure you both want it. Leaning in and pausing just before your lips touch gives them a clear chance to meet you or pull back. Asking "can I kiss you?" is also completely fine, and many people find it attractive.
Fresh breath. Brush, have a mint or drink some water. Skip the strong garlic and the cigarette just before.
Soft lips. A little lip balm helps. Wipe off anything sticky.
Skip it if you have a cold sore. Cold sores spread easily through kissing, so wait until they have fully healed (NHS).

How to French kiss in 7 steps

Start with your lips only. A few soft, closed-mouth kisses. Let it build. Jumping straight to tongue is the most common beginner mistake.
Tilt your head. Tilt slightly to one side so your noses do not bump. If you both tilt the same way, laugh and switch.
Part your lips a little. Relax your jaw and open your mouth slightly while you keep kissing. Not wide. Think of saying a soft "ah".
Offer, do not push. Lightly touch the tip of your tongue to their lower lip or to the tip of their tongue. This is a question. If they respond with their tongue, keep going. If they do not, go back to lip kisses.
Keep your tongue soft and slow. Gently slide or circle your tongue against theirs. A relaxed tongue feels good. A stiff, pointed one feels like a poke.
Move in waves. A few seconds of tongue, then back to lips, then a little deeper again. The change is what makes a French kiss feel exciting.
Use your hands. One hand on their cheek, the back of their neck, their waist or in their hair. Keep it gentle and check in if you are moving somewhere new.

How much tongue is too much?

If you are wondering, it is probably too much. A good rule: your tongue should not go much further than their lips and the tip of their tongue, especially the first few times. Match the other person. If they are gentle, be gentle. If they go deeper, you can follow. Nobody wants to feel like their mouth is being cleaned.

How to French kiss for the first time

The first time, keep it short. A few seconds of light tongue, back to lips, and pull away with a smile. That is a great first French kiss. If you are nervous about the moment before, our guide on how to kiss someone for the first time covers reading the signals and what to do if it goes wrong.

For couples in an arranged marriage who are kissing for the first time after the wedding, the same steps apply. Go slower than you think you need to. Our page on the first kiss in an arranged marriage has more on taking that step together.

French kissing your boyfriend or girlfriend: what changes

Honestly, very little. The technique is the same for everyone. A few practical things do differ from person to person:

Height. If one of you is much taller, sitting down makes it easier on both necks.
Beard or stubble. Lots of tongue and pressure with stubble can leave the other person's chin red. Softer kisses help.
Their style. Some people love slow and deep, others like quick and playful. Notice what they do and do a bit more of that.

Breathing, spit and teeth

Breathe through your nose. You do not need to hold your breath. Short breaks to breathe and smile are normal.
Too much saliva? Pause, swallow, go back to lip kisses for a moment. It is very common, especially when nervous.
Teeth clash? Adjust your head angle and laugh it off. It happens to everyone.
Gentle lip nibbles can be lovely. Bites that leave marks are a different conversation; if that is where you are headed, here is how to give a hickey without hurting anyone.

Common mistakes

Going straight to tongue with no lip kissing first.
A stiff, pointed tongue, or moving it fast like a washing machine.
Opening your mouth too wide.
Kissing the same way for minutes with no change.
Keeping your hands frozen at your sides.
Never pausing to look at them.

How to get better at it

Practice with your partner and talk about it. "I love it when you go slow like that" teaches more than any article. Try different paces and amounts of tongue and pay attention to what makes them pull you closer. If you want to know what all the other kinds of kisses mean, see our guide to 12 types of kisses, and for a fun bit of science, read about why we close our eyes when we kiss.

FAQ

How do you French kiss step by step?

Start with soft closed-mouth kisses, tilt your head, part your lips slightly, lightly touch your tongue to theirs, keep your tongue soft and slow, alternate between tongue and lip kisses, and use your hands gently.

How much tongue should you use in a French kiss?

Less than you think. Keep it to their lips and the tip of their tongue at first, and match how much they use. A relaxed, slow tongue feels much better than a deep or fast one.

How do you breathe while French kissing?

Through your nose. You can also pause for a second, breathe and smile, then go back to kissing. Nobody expects you to hold your breath.

How do I French kiss for the first time?

Keep it short and light: a few lip kisses, a few seconds of gentle tongue, then back to lips. Watch how they respond and follow their pace.

Can you get sick from French kissing?

Kissing can pass on colds, flu and cold sores. Avoid kissing when either of you has a cold sore, until it has completely healed.

For adults only.