Consent Doesn't End at 'I Do' — Why Marital Consent Matters

This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personal guidance.

Marriage is a commitment to share a life with someone. It is not a contract that transfers ownership of one person's body to another. Yet the cultural framework around marriage in India — and in many other cultures — often treats the wedding ceremony as a blanket yes that covers all future physical encounters, eliminating the need for ongoing consent.

This framework is not just outdated — it is harmful. It enables coercion disguised as conjugal rights, normalises one partner's discomfort for the other's satisfaction, and fundamentally undermines the trust and safety that good marriages are built on.

A legal expert and a couples therapist help us examine why marital consent matters, what it looks like in practice, and why the couples who practice it have better relationships — not despite the conversations, but because of them.

The Legal Landscape

Indian law occupies a complicated position on marital consent. Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code defines rape but includes an exception: "Sexual intercourse or sexual acts by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under eighteen years of age, is not rape." This exception has been challenged in courts multiple times, with the Delhi High Court delivering a split verdict in 2022 — one judge calling it unconstitutional, the other upholding it.

The legal ambiguity does not mean that non-consensual sex within marriage is acceptable. It means the law has not yet caught up with the moral and ethical reality that bodily autonomy does not dissolve at the altar.

What Consent Within Marriage Looks Like

The Right to Say No

Consent within marriage means that either partner can decline physical intimacy at any time, for any reason, without needing to justify, explain, or compensate. "I am not in the mood tonight" is a complete sentence. It does not require an apology, an alternative, or a promise for later. It is a boundary, and healthy marriages respect boundaries.

The Right to Say No to Specific Acts

Consenting to one form of intimacy does not automatically consent to all forms. A partner who agrees to kissing has not agreed to intercourse. A partner who agrees to intercourse has not agreed to a specific position or act. Each escalation, each new activity, requires its own agreement.

The Right to Change Your Mind

Consent can be withdrawn at any point during an encounter. If something becomes uncomfortable, painful, or unwanted, stopping is always an option — regardless of how far things have progressed. The sunk-cost fallacy does not apply to intimacy: "We already started" is never a reason to continue something that one partner no longer wants.

The Right to Not Be Coerced

Coercion in marriage is often subtle: guilt-tripping ("If you loved me, you would"), emotional withdrawal as punishment for refusal, implying that refusal violates marital duty, or creating an atmosphere where saying no has consequences. These dynamics are coercive even when no physical force is involved. Consent must be freely given — not extracted through emotional manipulation.

Why Marital Consent Improves Relationships

Trust Deepens

When both partners know that their boundaries will be respected unconditionally, trust deepens. This trust creates the psychological safety that is the foundation of good intimacy. Paradoxically, couples who feel free to say no have more satisfying intimate lives than couples who feel obligated to say yes — because when they do say yes, it is genuine, enthusiastic, and fully present.

Communication Improves

Practicing consent requires ongoing communication — checking in, expressing desires, stating boundaries, negotiating preferences. This communication skill transfers to every other aspect of the relationship. Couples who communicate well about intimacy communicate well about everything.

Desire Increases

Obligation kills desire. When physical intimacy feels like a duty rather than a choice, both partners suffer — the obligated partner resents the encounter, and the other partner senses the resentment even if it is never voiced. Removing obligation and replacing it with genuine choice allows desire to exist on its own terms.

Having the Conversation

If marital consent is a new concept in your relationship, introducing it requires sensitivity:

• Frame it positively: "I want us both to always feel enthusiastic about our intimate life. That means both of us always feeling free to say yes or no."
• Address the cultural context: Acknowledge that the way both of you were raised may not have included this framework. That is not anyone's fault — it is an opportunity for growth.
• Start with practice: Begin checking in during intimate encounters. "Is this good?" "Do you want this?" "What would you like?" These questions are not mood-killers — they are demonstrations of care.
• Model boundary-setting: Demonstrate that saying no is safe by how you respond when your partner does it. Acceptance, not disappointment, is the correct response to a boundary.

When Boundaries Are Not Respected

If you are in a marriage where your physical boundaries are consistently violated — whether through force, coercion, guilt, or emotional punishment for saying no — you deserve support:

• National Commission for Women helpline: 7827-170-170
• Women Helpline (All India): 181
• iCall (Tata Institute of Social Sciences): 9152987821

What happens in your marriage behind closed doors is not exempt from ethics, morality, or human rights. You are entitled to safety in your own home and in your own body.

Consent In Marriage FAQ

Written by the MyMuse Editorial Team

Last updated: February 2026