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Age is but a number, is it not? You are as young as your mind is, right? How does this translate into romantic relationships? Should we completely ignore age, or should we be more cautious of age-gap relationships?
How old is really too old? Or should we be questioning how ‘young’ is really too young? Age-gap relationships often face scrutiny and judgment, leaving us questioning where that elusive line is truly drawn. We nod our heads approvingly when a 30-year-old and a 38-year-old find love, but what about an 18-year-old and a 26-year-old? Is that crossing a line, or are we simply playing guessing games with societal expectations?
I don’t have the answers here, what I do have..is a bit of experience in this area of dating. So, here I am, ready to spill the tea on my three-year-long adventure in an age-gap relationship. It’s safe to say, our relationship was a healthy mix of ‘back in my day’, and ‘look at this cool meme I just found!’ But before we get into the juicy details, here’s a lowdown on what an age-gap relationship is.
What Are Age-Gap Relationships?
Age gap relationships refer to romantic partnerships where there is a significant difference in age between the two individuals involved. The concept of what constitutes a ‘significant age gap’ can vary depending on cultural, societal, and personal perspectives. Some people may view age-gap relationships as acceptable and normal, while others may have reservations or judgments about them.
Ultimately, the decision to engage in an age-gap relationship is a personal one, and it's important for individuals involved to consider their own feelings, goals, and values when entering into such a partnership. If you’re willing to put in the effort, you should check out our Couple's Play Book.
How I Ended Up With ‘Daddy’
Apologies, I cringed at ‘daddy’ too.
So, it was my 22nd birthday, I met him at a charity event. He was nearing 30. Both of us were incredibly weary when we began talking, but the connection was undeniable. So after a few months of talking, we decided to go on a date, and that was that. We were almost immediately exclusive.
We were both pretty cautious at the beginning since we knew the age gap might cause trouble down the line. And being the nerds that we both were, we decided to have quarterly reviews to discuss the progress and issues with the relationship. Excel sheets and all. Yes…very romantic. But it worked! And we managed to cultivate a very fulfilling and loving relationship; fixing any problems that cropped up, on a quarterly basis.
The Good, The Bad, The Power Dynamic
Like any other relationship, some things made me feel great, but also some things didn’t. For one, he was unbelievably chivalrous. The old school, black-and-white movie kind of chivalrous. And that…made me feel so so valuable. For a girl that was used to ‘text me when you get home’, being fetched and dropped right from my front door, every single time, was a culture shock I really enjoyed. (He was also great at buying birthday gifts for his girlfriend) Keep in mind, I was 22 and very easily impressed. He was also so mature, unlike the boys closer to my age. He had a job, he was emotionally available, super responsible, took accountability for his actions, and most importantly, he was respectful and kind. All qualities that are not so often found in people around 22.
On the other hand, our large generational gap translated into our social circles as well. And no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get along with most of his friends. They were all building families and dealing with very adult things like chronic backaches and grocery bills. They were all very nice to me, but their disapproval was apparent. And this made me very anxious. There was also the additional factor of being in two very different stages of life, he wasn't hell-bent on marriage, but he was leaning towards it…and I REALLY wasn’t.
When it comes to the power dynamic, there’s no denying the fact that it was present. Although, none of it was intentional and I didn’t really see it while I was in the relationship. In hindsight, at the age of 26, I realised that I had looked up to him to some degree, always needing his approval, and slacking off on mundane life things because he would just do them for me. I also think he thought of me as naive and childish to some degree, always saying things like ‘I guess you'll get it in a few years’. But I don’t really see this as a bad thing. It just was what it was, a gap in years.
Yes Daddy to Goodbye Daddy
This relationship is the best one I’ve had so far, I have no complaints or regrets. We broke up because our conflict management styles were too different, and my calm, laid-back demeanour and his firey, short-tempered demeanour just didn't stand the test of time. So, the 8 years between us had nothing to do with it. I do sometimes wonder how things would have been if a few factors were different. Perhaps if the age gap was smaller, his friends were more open to me, or maybe we experimented with Pulse ;) But these are now questions lost to time.
At the end of the day, age-gap relationships can be very fulfilling as long as they involve consenting adults that have entered the partnership willingly. Love, compatibility, shared values, gifting the right things, and effective communication are crucial factors that contribute to the success of any relationship, regardless of the age difference.
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