5 Ways To Regain Confidence After A Dry Spell
Swagata Deshmukh - Jun 27, 2024
Are your physical elements ready for action again but your mental elements not so much? These 5 mantras will help you say goodbye to dry spells confidently!
Dry spell- a spell worse than Avada Kedavra from Harry Potter, if you ask me. Okay, that could be an exaggeration but it sure sucks to go through a dry spell. It doesn't only cause your jewels to rust but it may also hit your confidence crown. So, how do you get out of it?
What is the Meaning of Dry Spell?
A dry spell refers to unintentional abstinence. It is the period during which you have not been able to engage in bedroom activity. There are many factors that can stop you from sharing your Palm full body massager with a lover. Your Tinder match might aspire to be 'alpha male'- what a turn-off! The cutie at the bar you are trying to pick up might love to bite into elaichi while eating biryani (run away!). Or you and your partner are having issues reconnecting. Whatever your reason is, enduring a dry spell is hard.
But what could be harder for some of us is to find the confidence to break the spell. It is not about getting into bed again with someone, but doing the deed once you are there. You can also be happily unmarried and wanting some action. If you know what I mean, these tips are for you. Read on to see how to get out of a dry spell in a relationship.
Why Dry Spells Happen
Life Stress (a.k.a. The Ultimate Mood Killer)
Work deadlines, family drama, social obligations—when your mind is overloaded, your body doesn’t exactly scream, “Yes, let’s get it on!” Stress releases cortisol, which can mess with your hormones, lower your libido, and make you feel like curling up with a pizza instead of a partner. When you’re mentally checked out, physical intimacy starts feeling like another chore on the to-do list. The good news? Managing stress—whether through exercise, meditation, or simply cutting down on late-night doomscrolling—can help reset your system and get you back in the mood.
Body Image & Self-Confidence Issues
Maybe you’re fixating on weight changes, comparing yourself to unrealistic beauty standards, or just feeling meh in your own skin. The thing is, confidence is way more about mindset than appearance. The more disconnected you feel from your body, the harder it is to let go and enjoy pleasure. Instead of waiting to “fix” yourself, start reconnecting with your sensuality in small ways—dress up for yourself, move your body in ways that feel good (dance in your room, go for a walk, stretch), and remind yourself that attraction is about energy, not just aesthetics.
Relationship Rut
If you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are you’ve hit a dry spell at some point. It happens! Over time, routine sets in, responsibilities pile up, and before you know it, you’re more excited about a good night’s sleep than a steamy night in bed. Emotional distance can create physical distance, and vice versa. The key here is to recognize when intimacy is taking a backseat and actively make space for it again. This doesn’t mean forcing it—sometimes, just spending quality time together, trying new activities, or engaging in any kind of touch (even cuddling, hand-holding, or casual flirty teasing) can help bring back the spark. If it feels like a bigger issue, an open conversation with your partner can work wonders.
Hormonal & Medical Reasons
Sometimes, a dry spell isn’t just about stress or routine—it’s biological. Hormonal imbalances, certain medications (like antidepressants or birth control), and medical conditions like thyroid issues or PCOS can all affect libido. If you’ve noticed a major change in your desire that doesn’t seem tied to external factors, it might be worth talking to a doctor. Libido fluctuations are completely normal, but if you’re feeling off, checking in with a healthcare professional can help you rule out underlying issues and find solutions that work for you.
Subconscious Fear of Rejection or Performance Anxiety
The longer you go without intimacy, the scarier it can feel to start again. Maybe your last experience wasn’t great, and now you’re worried about repeating that. Maybe you feel like you’re “out of practice” and don’t want to disappoint your partner. Performance anxiety can creep in, making you overthink every little thing. But here’s the thing: intimacy isn’t a skill you forget—it’s like riding a bike, except way more fun. The best way to overcome this is by easing back into it. Start with light flirting, self-exploration, or even just small moments of connection with your partner. The less pressure you put on yourself, the easier it will be to enjoy the moment when it happens.
The Impact of a Dry Spell
Alright, let’s get one thing straight—dry spells don’t just affect your sheets, they affect your whole vibe.
Physically, you might notice:
- A dip in libido (yes, going without for a long time can make you want it less—ironic, isn’t it?)
- Increased stress levels (because sex releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals we all love)
- A lower body image (if you’re out of touch with your sensuality, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your own hotness)
Emotionally & mentally, you might feel:
- Less confident in your ability to flirt, connect, or ‘perform’
- Like you’re “out of practice” (Spoiler alert: intimacy is not a skill that disappears like your Wi-Fi during an important meeting)
- More distant from your partner (if you’re in a relationship)
Now, this doesn’t mean a dry spell will ruin your life. It’s just a phase, and like all phases (including your 2012 dresses-on-leggings era), it will pass. But if you're noticing a big shift in how you feel about yourself or your relationship, it’s worth addressing.
Dry Spell Myths That Need to Die
Before we move on to solutions, let’s debunk some classic dry spell myths:
🚫 “I’ll never get my mojo back.”
Yes, you will. Confidence isn’t lost forever, and neither is your ability to enjoy intimacy.
🚫 “If I go too long without, it’ll hurt when I start again.”
Nah. Your body doesn’t just forget how to function. It might take a minute to warm up, but it’s not going to reject intimacy like a bad Tinder match.
🚫 “It means something is wrong with me or my relationship.”
Not necessarily! Dry spells happen for a million reasons—some totally normal and fixable. Instead of spiraling, let’s identify what’s actually causing it.
Take It One Step At A Time
Dry spells in relationships are not too easy to break, especially when your confidence is not too high. So, take it slow and follow these below tips at your convenience. Remember that it is your journey, and no one should pressure you into rushing through.
Feel Yourself
If you are finding it hard to feel confident about your body, it is time for a rom-com-style makeover. No, I'm not asking you to ditch your glasses and shave your entire body, and eat salads. But if that is what it takes for you to feel nice, go on. What I want you to do is feel nice and dress up for yourself. Put on your favourite outfit, and nice perfume and get in front of a mirror, even if you are not in the mood.
Look at that bomb body, cutie booty, and gorgeous face. Run your hands all over yourself and feel the sexy. As you find the beauty in yourself, you will realize that someone out there is sure to find it, too.
P.S. Beauty standards are unreal, please don't compare yourself to those.
Feel Yourself, Literally
Well, you already look so amazing and are standing in front of the mirror, there's only one thing left to do now. Touch yourself!
A dry spell in marriage or any relationship can take over your personal sessions, too. It might hamper your confidence regarding the possibility of your own big Os, your performance, or your pleasure journey. So, start small and start with yourself. Light some scented candles and let your sense of smell relax you. Then, take out your full body massager, Palm, and go to the O-town by fueling it with water-based lubricant Glide.
Bring Out The Cheese
We live in a fast-moving world where fast moves are very appreciated. But if you are low on confidence after a long, dreary dry spell, you can take it slow. Getting a positive response to your cheesy pickup lines during your first move is a surefire way to reach level 10 confidence, or at least a 7!
Talk About It
The Millenials and GenZ try to use as few words as possible. It is gn for good night, slay for 'you are doing amazing, sweetie', or snack for 'you look so good'. Let's leave that for the internet world and learn how to use our words to communicate our feelings. Tell them that you've had a dry spell and are working on your confidence. So, the night might not be as fantastic, but you are ready to try your best.
