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Why you shouldn't downplay foreplay.

If you haven’t already heard, foreplay is a big deal. And contrary to what you may think, it isn’t just a little rub here or a little tug there. If sex is dinner, foreplay is like the appetizers, candlelight, music, and wine... all rolled into one. It’s about creating mood and anticipation, building heat and tension. Essentially, what sex is all about.

If you’re a little confused about what exactly foreplay entails, honestly the sky’s the limit. The traditional definition of foreplay is all the stuff that comes be-fore penetrative sex (kissing, touching, caressing etc.). But that’s definitely not all there is to it. 

In fact, we believe we need to expand the definition of foreplay in our minds– moving away from thinking of it as a small opening act, to a crucial part of the overall experience. For some, foreplay itself is considered sex, and that’s okay. Foreplay doesn’t have to culminate in intercourse– it can be enjoyed on it’s own too. By assuming it’s just a precursor to penetrative sex, we diminish its importance and the role it plays.

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Foreplay can often start outside the bedroom, well before getting naked is even in the picture.

Think naughty sexts, flirty eye-contact, and maybe a little planning (get all the chores out of the way?). This is the kind of mental foreplay that builds excitement– like before a long-awaited holiday. And makes those moments even more special once you’re together.

And then there’s the foreplay that happens between the sheets. The kind we should all probably put more effort and time into. We’re usually so focused on the ‘outcome’ of sex (which for most heterosexual couples is considered as when the male finishes), that we don’t put enough thought into the entire experience. The sensual touches, the simple joys of making out, the enjoyment of just being naked together.

While theres endless room for creativity, some of our readers wanted a few quick tips, so here they are:

  • Create a sexy atmosphere - clean sheets and good music go a long way (Spotify has you sorted with playlists like this).
  • Think about where you’re focusing your attention– the bodies’ erogenous zones are far and wide. Go beyond the nips, cause our bodies are full of areas waiting to be explored.
  • Give yourself/your partner a massage - and focus on all the right places.
  • Play with pressure and sensation– sometimes the lighter the better.
  • Delay, delay, delay - just take your time.
  • Try flirty/dirty talk - you’d be surprised just how arousing simple words can be.
  • If you’re feeling experimental, try using things like an ice cube– just pop it in your mouth and run it over your lover's body for a skin tingling vibe.
  • Maybe introduce stimulators like a vibrator for a super sensorial experience.

So the next time you're getting intimate and find yourself rushing towards the finish line, try to slow down and enjoy the buildup.

And remember that getting there is half, if not all, the fun.


This article was an excerpt from Musings002. Sign up so you don't miss out!


While our contributors do research a great deal to give you up to date and relevant content, this is basis publicly available information. Our contributors are not doctors or healthcare service providers and our content does not constitute or act as a substitute for medical advice or diagnosis under applicable laws. All suggestions, advice, points of view etc., are meant for adults in the privacy of their own homes.

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