Oh, unconditional love, the holy grail of love, the ultimate love without any strings attached. But is it real? Is it healthy? Or is it like an unreal unicorn?
Oh, unconditional love, the holy grail of love, the ultimate love without any strings attached. But how do you unconditionally love someone? You can’t! We've all heard about it in books, movies, songs, and even from our parents. But unconditional love is a unicorn, a myth, a fairytale that doesn't exist in the real world.
Am I a full-time overthinker & part-time Negative Nancy? Yes! But am I telling lies? No, Papa!
Why? Because I’ve realized humans are flawed creatures with our own needs and desires. We can't love someone without conditions or expectations, including our pets. Even Mother Teresa had limits, and she was pretty much a saint! Let me give you some real-life examples of how it works, or rather, how it doesn’t work-
A parent may claim to love their child no matter what, but if the child fails to score the best academically like Sharma ji ka beta, or decides to marry someone of different religion, suddenly that love is nowhere to be found.
Your partner might assume there is unconditional love in your relationship. But if the relationship becomes difficult or you experience a major life change, such as losing your job or developing a serious illness, they might withdraw or end the relationship.
Even friends who claim to love each other unconditionally won’t hesitate to break it off with you if they find out you kept a small piece of information from them, while they carried a badonkadonk full of lies and secrets themselves. Clearly, I’ve been there!
And honestly, even if unconditional love was real, it wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows. Relationships require mutual effort, and giving such type of love while the other person just takes isn't healthy or sustainable. You can’t be the only one planning all the romantic date ideas while the other person only shows up and gives you a peck on the cheek. Unconditional love means it could lead to staying in toxic relationships and allowing harmful behavior because we think our love should be unconditional. So, is unconditional love good? I’d rather spend my time with my full body massager, Pulse.
So, Do I Need A Contract?
If I say unconditional love doesn’t exist, it doesn’t automatically mean you need love with set conditions and expectations. You can love others while respecting your own boundaries and needs.
And that’s called unconditional positive regard! It's all about accepting and valuing someone for who they are, without any judgment or evaluation. It's based on empathy, respect, and compassion, not unrealistic expectations. But even then, you wouldn’t want to encourage someone’s bad choices or dark thoughts just to accept them fully. Okay, maybe this concept is partly failing me too.
We can build healthy relationships that are based on mutual respect and understanding, not some impossible ideal of unconditional love. We should also be able to call out someone’s wrong or harmful decisions and opinions (pineapple should not go on pizza, it’s just unethical!). You can also ask your potential boo these ‘36 Questions To Fall In Love’, to really see if they really are a match for you.
So, let's focus on cultivating the type of love where we make each other a better person with realistic expectations and wholesome love that bring us joy and happiness. And instead of dreaming of unicorn-like unconditional love, just get a unicorn plushie and snuggle!
Until then, enjoy self-love with