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Is It Love Or Love Bombing?

Love bombing is like spraying on your favorite perfume a little too much. It feels amazing to be constantly masked by it until it starts to feel suffocating or excessive.

You went on a date with someone you really liked. The conversation flows naturally with compliments and relatable stories. So, you schedule another date for the weekend. But this time, they turn up with an expensive gift, their friends, and a love mixtape. All that is left is a ring but little do you know that they have selected one to bring on the third date.

What Is Love Bombing And Why Is It Bad?

This is one love bombing example. The number of dates and intensity may vary for each relationship but one factor stays constant- things move too fast. Love bombing means getting too much attention, gifts, compliments, and love in a short amount of time. Sounds quite harmless, right? You will realize that there is a downside to all these generous gestures as your partner start to reel back their love and all you are left feeling is ‘huh?’

 Confused woman

Everyone is capable of love bombing or being narcissistic but it is a prime feature of narcissists with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. It stems from their need to control you and the relationship; make you owe them or dependent on them. Once they feel like they have the power, they will reduce the love gestures and lay back. If you try to communicate how they have changed, they will gaslight you or say how you failed to do anything for them.

Love Bombing Signs To Look Out For

  •       The relationship loves like it is on steroids. They are too eager to have intimate date nights with you. The ‘I love you’s and ‘meet my family’ happens unrealistically fast. You find yourself dodging conversations about future kids and dream home too.
  •       There is no end to the compliments, lavish gifts, and attention that they can give you. But this happens only in the beginning. You may feel that you are lucky to have such a loving partner and that is exactly what they want. Once your relationship reaches this point, it all goes downhill.
  •       You can notice minor gaps in their behavior. One moment they are acting like a loving partner you want and the next they act like their awful self.
  •       Such partners don’t like it when you indulge in self-pleasure or use a massager. They feel insecure when they are able to find pleasure in something that is not centered around them. 
  •       Their control over you seeps into every part of your life. They start keeping tabs on where you are, what you wear, who you talk to and so much more. They try to cut you off from other people under the pretext of ‘I want to spend more time with you’ or accuse them of bad intentions. If you try to fight back, they say that they are doing this ‘for your good’.
  •       They are not scared of hurting you by saying scarring things and using your vulnerabilities against you. Love bombing and gaslighting go hand in hand for them.
  •       There are two ways this can go. First is that they start love bombing again as they fear losing you and their control over you. Second is that they will easily move on to find their next victim, leaving you to heal or drown. Love bombing and then ghosting is easy for them.

You can try to catch the love bombing signs early in the relationship but there are very few chances of them understanding. So, how can you deal with love bombing?

Toddler wearing pigtails and pink jacket acting confused

How To Deal With Love Bombing

If you are wondering ‘how long does love bombing last’, the answer can only be answered by experience. Each relationship and its participants are different so, the period of the love bombing also differs. It can happen again and again when your partner feels that they are losing you. This is exactly why you should remember the love bombing signs and know how to deal with love bombing.

You can choose to stay with them but for that to happen, you and your partner must commit to it. They should be willing to accept their actions and intentions of love bombing. You should share your boundaries and things that have hurt you. With the help of a therapist, you can find the root cause and work on healing it for a better and healthy love life. But if they resort to gaslighting you or deny love bombing you, it is best to walk away. You cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Instead, you can prioritize yourself and move on.  Practice a good self-care routine with Glow Arousing massage oil to relieve stress.

Spongebob finger guns while walking out of the door

The phrase ‘like a pig to the slaughter’ summarizes the experience of being love bombed perfectly. You are chosen carefully, fed with love and care but only to be emotionally slaughtered.

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